My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
