Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
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