just tell him i said nine months
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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