Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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