The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
