from now on my penis is your penis
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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