She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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