Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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