I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
