I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
