Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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