This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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