Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
