Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
