where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
