now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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