Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
