I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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