Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
