I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
