birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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