I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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