They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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