You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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