Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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