Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
