So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
