Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
