He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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