...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
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ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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