You're my little dorito
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
