Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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