I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
