i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
