i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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