My friends, they love my intelligence
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
