I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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