Don't make out with my wife yet
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When did angry sex become our thing?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
