he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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