so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
