see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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