Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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