Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thus making me awesome and them whores
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
