i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
