I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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