If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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