apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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