Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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