I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
