and you said cock pushups were impossible
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
