Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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