im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
