I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
