she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
