You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
