I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
