maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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