You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
