I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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