just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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