I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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