You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
