it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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