I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
