Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm like, not good at living.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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