hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
