ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
