Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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