Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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