so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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