She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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