What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
