So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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