Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its about making memories worth repressing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
