that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
