Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
