well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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