I heard we made out
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry my hands just texted you
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
