We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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