I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
