My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My bed smells like the plague
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
