i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
