but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
